inextricably excited…

and it makes no sense at all. I cannot visualise the artwork that is to come but i’m seriously excited. been reflecting a lot over the last few weeks and tomorrow is a day of action.

now, my hope is this – that tomorrow, when I drop the kids off and I grab a mug of tea and walk down the garden to my shed, I don’t get distracted by the dust gathering on shelves and the hoovering that needs doing and the dishwasher that will inevitably need unloading and the bulb that needs changing and the clothes that need sorting and the wall that needs painting and all those thousands of excuses and ‘but….’s, BUT that I stride past them all and keep walking to that incredible space that God has so generously provided for me and that I am obedient.

 

Identity

Bag of ideas, text and influences

After what seems a lifetime I’m back in the shed today and not to clean it!!! The theme most prominent in my thinking at the moment is that of identity. I’ve been listening to the talks on the Birmingham Vineyard website and have found them to concur with ideas for work I’ve been mulling for a while. When completing and handing over the four canvases I felt a need to further explore one of the themes, that of doing life well and what that involves. And, I suppose that which stops us/me.

I wanted to get all my thoughts down I one place and usually I would turn to a sketchbook but some how that process wasn’t quick enough for me to gather everything in a format I could work on immediately. So, looking round for a massive piece of paper I could collage onto I saw this large paper bag and started on that. I think the whole bag will eventually be covered and layered and written over, and as I’ve been doing this, ideas and pictures have been starting to form.

It’s so so fabulous to be back in here and just have the space to sit in His presence and listen to His voice. I think I’ve been listening to my old nemesis fear recently: fear of failing. It just freezes me into inaction. So to sit and listen and to focus on the truth is so liberating.

Sketchbook

The thing about a sketchbook is that you should do it at the same time as the project, documenting the decisions you’re making so you can go back in future years and revisit techniques and development of ideas. But I find that, although I am going through the process of noting things down and exploring techniques, I hardly ever do it in my sketchbook…. so I end up with all these scraps of paper in my bag or by my bed or pinned around the shed that I eventually gather together and make some semblance of. So that is what I’ve been doing.

Sketchbook in its current state.

I love collecting everything together and getting them organised. It fulfils a deep sense of order that doesn’t really feature in my life in most areas!!! (You should see the mess my shed is currently in, and our house come to think of it!) but usually this process happens at the end of the project rather than towards the end of the project, and in doing this, by revisiting everything at this stage, it’s made me wonder a little more about the pieces.

One of the aims of the brief was that they needed to look unfinished, unfinished in a way of suggesting that there is more to come. I personally think they look too finished and I may well need to work back into the background of the pieces. I know through looking online at the Birmingham Vineyard site that there have been discussions regarding how the church goes forward in each of these key areas, and these have brought out potential ideas and themes that need exploring. If I could suggest, some how, these areas of consideration, these emotional desires of the church, that would be a kind of stepping stone from the initial vision of the church to the current day. The key verse, Jeremiah 29 needs to be more visible but the other words could be more sketchy. Time to experiment some more me thinks……

sackcloth and ashes

Gage and Tompsett

Wigley and Nicolle

I often find my research leads me all over the place and, through this meandering, images come together and ideas start to sprout. I’ve been considering the skyline and looking at various artists including John Gage and Michael Tompsett who have both used the Birmingham skyline in their work.

I have been considering the artistic processes of Maria Wigley and Florian Nicolle and their juxtaposition of text and image as a means of brainstorming the potential use of text within the skyline. All very inspiring and exciting.

But the research that has shaped the piece the most so far is the research into sackcloth and ashes. One of the methods I use in the majority of my work is to split the canvas, tear it, and then re-stitch it back together again. For me, and especially this piece, it helps the composition to have a strip of blank colour at the base of the work, but symbolically the importance is much greater. I use this technique to just put my hands up and acknowledge that every piece I lay before Him will never be perfect, cannot be perfect because I am not perfect. God has taught me so much through my flaws. Many of my landscapes consider the way we so often pick at ourselves and get frustrated over our imperfections rather than seeing ourselves as a whole. We focus on the negative rather than that we do well. Through these lessons God has helped me acknowledge and own that not only am I imperfect but that despite that He can still speak through me and the artwork we create together.

Nehemiah, when starting to consider the task ahead of him, does not start by leaning on his own strength and capabilities but wears sackcloth and ashes and fasts for four months. As Simon Bateson said, he started in a place of prayer. Sackcloth was made out of coarse goat hair. It was incredibly uncomfortable and rough to wear. The modern equivalent is burlap (hessian) or jute which I plan to use over the canvas at the base of each piece, acknowledging that we start this task with Him, not leaning on ourselves. It starts in a place of prayer.

Early this morning….

…. I woke up with my mind reeling with thoughts and ideas. And the thoughts I initially had about these four canvases have shifted significantly. As soon as I was asked to consider this project I saw the four frames, bare against the wall, with the canvas rolled on the floor next to them. For me it was a metaphor for the raw materials that we bring before God daily and that God can amazingly use. Just like David used his shepherd slingshot to kill Goliath (1 Sam 17 v 39 + 40), and Moses was asked to use his shepherd staff before the Egyptians (Exodus 4 v 1-5), so we are asked to use what we have, our gifts, talents and experience, to come before God and shape the world.

But this morning I saw it in a completely different way. I saw the frames simply as wood, the canvas simply as material, and the image of the resurrection came clearly into my mind. This image is all about Jesus. It is the cross and the folded grave clothes. It’s more of a symbol of His sacrifice releasing us into His present, His path, His will for us. Worth getting up at 3.30am for!!!!

…… making a start

I often recycled a book to use as my sketchbook, so made a start on the painting and gathering of pages ready to start brainstorming and research for the four canvases. Such a good idea to get the library cast offs.